4 Parenting Tips For Back To School

As the new school year looms ahead, today I’m sharing four parenting tips for back to school that helped my family function successfully.

Several years ago, we were launching a sophomore, junior, and college freshman back into school. Life got real when I had to fill out this ginormous life-size calendar. I bought it on Amazon. It’s seriously 3’x4′!

Seriously, I could have put it all in my phone, but there isn’t enough room to see all of the madness. I’m a big picture kind of girl. I also had to keep the taxi gassed. Side note: I really needed to teach my older boys how to drive, but my oldest son, who was of driving age but without a license, could not manage to drive a lawnmower, which has me loving on a bottle of wine just thinking about it.

It’s no secret that my amazing family puts the fun in dysFUNctional. We’ve were running wild with acronyms for miles over here. ADD, ADHD, ODD, OMG (just kidding on that one) and a few learning disabilities to boot. That didn’t keep us from pushing forward, though. Because of our story, I get the opportunity to share my heart with moms often.

Adoption is challenging. Raising children with a dozen labels attached to them is challenging. But, the only letters that truly matter are M.I.N.E. They are mine. Love is supposed to be unconditional. Granted some of us are stretched a little thinner with that statement, but in order to function in life, we must accept it. All of it. Whatever they are and whatever they will be is wrapped completely around my ability to love them unconditionally and support them as I launch them into each season of their lives.

PROVIDE STRUCTURE

One of the biggest parenting tips for back to school is to provide structure. When my kids were 16, 17, and 19, they still had a bedtime. It took them a long time to understand that I was not a mean mom by keeping this a standard in our house. They realized that if they didn’t get enough sleep, they were beasts in the morning, which got them in trouble and repeated a ridiculous cycle.

So, my college-aged daughter was usually in bed by 10:30 p.m. (she was the super beast), and my boys were in bed at 9:00 p.m. I know, this is mind blowing for 16 and 17 year olds. It’s my job as their super mom to make sure they take care of themselves. History has proved that if they didn’t get a sold eight hours, we were are all doomed. DOOMED.

We also had a set morning routine so that everyone lived to see each day. Ha. My middle child would get up at 6:00 a.m. He got up, had his coffee and breakfast, and was out the door at 6:30 a.m. He choose to ride the bus, which is weird to me but whatever. Next, was the young one. He rose at 7:00 a.m. Cue moaning and groaning and hating life. I would calmly try and pep him up and make sure he had his medicine before the oldest gets up because she could be a super beast, too. So, we staggered and it worked for us. I just can’t, can’t, do screaming in the morning. This was the only way to ensure that didn’t happen.

We had a similar night routine, too. Some days we were off because of extracurricular activities (and we always paid for it the next morning), but most days we functioned great.

It doesn’t matter what age your children are, they need structure. I also had parental controls on everyone’s phones. Thank you AT&T! They shut off at 9:00 p.m.–talk, text, data–all of it. Let’s be honest, kids are on their phones all hours of the night. In order for my kids to be successful, they must have sleep. So, I took away the dangling carrot. And when they wanted to talk back and lose their minds for more than five minutes, you better believe I got on my app and shut it all down or even worse, changed the wifi or Netflix password. Yes, I can be “that mom” all day long if it means my kids are successful! Parents, YOU are in control here. Set the boundaries you and your kids need. By all means, make them go to bed at 8:30 p.m. just so you can pee without someone talking to you outside the door.

BE ORGANIZED

Another parenting tip for back to school is being organized. I realize this is super hard when you feel like you are chasing your tail, hence the life-size calendar. Figure out what method is going to work for you and get after it. Check your kids’ school website for forms due and upcoming activities. I’m sure that this is not new information but children are the WORST at giving parents information we need to know. Everyone in my house knew what we all have each day, so we can have realistic expectations. Dishes? Not today! Everyone was everywhere, but tomorrow looked promising!

PICK YOUR BATTLES

The next parenting tip for back to school is to pick your battles. This is super important when loving children who function outside of the box. You cannot engage in a power struggle every day. It’s exhausting. Give your child two choices and let them pick. Prevent stressful situations. Ask them for suggestions before you go grocery shopping so that you have breakfast items they will eat. I hate nothing more than a life-size tantrum over what freaking cereal needs to be eaten in the morning. For those of you doing the cereal cringe, we also had eggs, fruit, etc. The last thing any kid needs is a huge sugar rush before school.

Anyway, don’t engage a power struggle. Most of the time, they already feel it’s us against them. I had to tell my kids’ teachers this every year. If you engage in a power struggle, you will lose them. That’s hard for those of us who need to be in control, but when kids feel out of control, the last thing they are going to do is relinquish the little bit they feel they have. This doesn’t mean be a push over. It’s merely a reflection…is it really necessary to spend thirty minutes arguing over what they wear every day? Save yourself the stress and just go with it. Remember, you are on the same team.

COMMUNICATE

Finally, the MOST important parenting tip for back to school is to communicate. You know your kids inside and out, their favorites, and their flaws. Guess what, you may be the only one. You are your child’s biggest supporter and most important advocate.

I always start the school year emailing my children’s teachers. I introduce myself, tell them important information about my kid (as in, they need to sit near you and not that their favorite color is blue, ha), make sure they know about their IEP, and then end with something like this, “It takes a village to raise a child and I am thankful you are part of our village. I know my kid may be hard some days, but I’m going to ask you to love them through it and know you are never in this alone. My kid is smart and funny, and I know you will get along great. I am here to support you and make your job easier. We both want my kid to be successful. I am going to pray you through this year!”

I’m telling you, a teacher that feels supported will move heaven and Earth for every kid because it’s empowering to know you are not alone! Sometimes when we are in the trenches (because we go through seasons of strife), I email them a Starbucks gift card to grab something on the way home because I need them to go home, relax, reclaim their joy, and come back tomorrow.

Back to school can be very stressful but also so fun. New friendships, teachers, and experiences are all in the works. I’m not going to lie, I also loved that my kids went back to a normal bedtime, and we had more structure. My kids just did better with structure.

I also loved that my children were all involved in something that made them happy. My college freshman worked part time as a two-year-old teacher at a local daycare. My HS junior loved band and talked about it All. The. Time. You better believe I was there to see him every Friday night. My HS sophomore was a medic for athletics. He is my “somewhat on the spectrum” baby and hated school until he found a job that gave his life purpose. He was an aquatic engineer (aka waterboy, but that was the name they gave him and I loved it) in middle school and advanced to trainer in high school. This “job” breathed life into my boy every single day. He literally coached in his sleep. And yes, we had season tickets for football, so we could watch our trainer and band marcher because we celebrated them where they are!

Listen, all of my kids have had struggles in life, but I remind myself that I was not raising victims, I was raising survivors. It was hard for me to realize that they may never be honor roll kids, which was hard for me because I always was. They may not have been at the top of their class and that had to be okay because it was not about me. I expected their best and that looked different for each of them. They live happy lives because we supported them and loved them where they were at. Unconditional love. It’s priceless parenting.

Best of luck this school year!