Snow em ghee. Hello 2016. People, how did we get here? Is it just me or is this year flying by? Some years I’m totally cool with that but since Grace is a senior I would like to just pump the breaks please. Some days are more than my mama heart can handle.
We have been riding the crazy train this semester. It’s quite amazing that I’m not 100% gray or haven’t developed some sort of unhealthy drinking problem. Ha! You should see my life size family calendar that I LIVE by. It’s seriously three feet tall by four feet long and filled to the max. Soccer, cheer, band, church and work oh my. It’s quite amazing that teachers with children function every day. I always function in the mom/teacher mode as if I really have 25 kids (22 students and three of my own) because I think about ALL of them every day. I don’t think I can turn off mom/teacher mode ever. They really are one hairy beast.
As a teacher, my year never ends on December 31st. My mind works on terms of school year but for the rest of the world, January 1st is a time to reflect and refocus. I could use a little of both. Mainly because my butt is taking over its own zip code and if I don’t get my rear to the gym STAT, I may need to learn to sew. Ha! No really, Houston we have a problem.
This could be part of my problem, ehem.
Goals. I kinda hate the word resolution. To me that always equals failure but I’m totally cool with GOALS.
So real talk. I am now the blasted age of 35. Ugh. I know that’s not old but I’m getting near that age of really needing to be out of the baby zone. I know people have babies when they are 40 but I just can’t. I just can’t. So my main goal this year and putting operation baby in the number one priority slot. I really struggle with this because I am always in mom/teacher mode, trying to care for those 25 always on my mind and heart. So, I put operation baby on the back burner. I’m always saying, well, I’ll make those calls or appointments on the next break but it never happens because I get busy. And each break passes and I am running out of time. I’m not sure what this means for me but I do feel like I’m entering a new season in my life and ready to make big changes.
First thing is getting me back in a healthy routine of exercise. I really need some endorphins people. I can’t keep showing up at that semi sketchy massage place in the mall for a thirty minute beat down by someone with a heavy accent and expect my tension to disappear. Ha! This has been a hard semester for me. I’ve dealt with a ton of anxiety which leads to emotional eating for me.
Don’t you just love how I vomit my drama here? Well, I just want you to not feel bad about you being a hot mess because I am one too. Ha! Honestly, who is perfect? Not me! People have no idea how stressful our job is and how much hurt we carry in our hearts for the babies in our care. It takes a toll. But let’s real talk; I’m trying to reteach myself that I’m no good to anyone if I am not healthy and happy. I pray every day for God to fill me to the point I’m overflowing. I’ve learned that this is not a selfish prayer but instead a prayer for God to make me whole so I can give more of myself without losing myself. Does that make sense?
So 2016 my one little word would be WHOLE.
God make me whole. Fill me to overflowing. Teach me to care for myself so my well doesn’t run dry. Teach me to know who I need to pour into and how much so I don’t dwindle down to my last drop. Help me to be disciplined and faithful to overflow into the right things.
I’m hoping through this next season that I will finally find a baby. I keep reading Facebook, hoping someone will post that they have a newborn they would like to gift me. Ha! If only. I’m not sure if this treasure will be found through a fertility specialist or through adoption but either way, we will follow the path God lays out for us. It makes me sad that it cost so much to adopt or have a surrogate (though I do understand the sacrifice of both). I do plan to be completely transparent during this new season so stay tuned for more details than you care to know.
Whatever 2016 holds for you, set a goal. Be realistic. Remember no one is perfect and failure is only for a moment. Every day is a new day and you can start fresh tomorrow. It doesn’t have to be on a Monday. God is merciful and gives us so much grace. That renews daily so make sure you grab your fill. Make your life meaningful outside of your classroom. Yes, teaching is such an important calling. I’ve always felt that it’s not just what I do but so much of who I am. I also have to remind myself that I cannot define my entire life by my classroom. There is more. Oh, so much more. Though it’s a worthy cause, it shouldn’t get ALL of me. You shouldn’t feel guilty for filling your store house to overflow into other things too. Stop living from break to break. Stop putting off your dreams. You have the choice to wait or ask God to help you move mountains. (This is me preaching to myself.)
I’ll leave you with this image. I’m going to print it and put it on my bathroom mirror. This year be PRESENT. Be WHOLE. Be the LIGHT!